Month: October 2016

How to guide to help a Friend in an Abusive Relationship

Standard

img_3128This week has been decided to bringing awareness to Domestic Violence.  We have addressed Statistics, Warning Signs and Reasons why victims stay.  Now, these are the 5 thing that you can do help a friend who is in a abusive relationship.

1. Listen. Let them talk. Believe what you hear. When you are abused, your abuser tells you that you are overreacting and it is your fault. So it is hard to assess how bad the abuse is. You believing them will help them get a more robust sense of self. It will build their confidence and help them make important decisions.

2. Talk to them. Negative voices are loudly repeating in their heads. They need kindness and compassion. Be patient. Tell them it is not their fault, that they are worthy and loved by you over and over.

3. Help them plan. It is not easy to “just leave.” Leaving can be extremely dangerous. It may take months or a year to plan. Be patient, think a long time over every idea and possible consequence to find the safest answer. As dangerous it is to live with an abuser, it is often more dangerous to leave.

4. Build a community. Leaving an abusive relationship is very complicated. It is not something to take on without support. Self-doubt is huge and can be immobilizing. Community support is essential. Surround them with people who love them and see them.

5. Call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline 1-800-799-7233 to find resources near your the person who is need of services.

 

 

Ten Reasons Victims Struggle to Leave

Standard

img_3127

In efforts to continue to bring awareness to Domestic Violence in the United States during Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM), Balancing the Circus will share an explanation to why victims of domestic violence struggle leaving.  I hope this allow others to reduce the stigma, increase awareness and direct others to support.  After reading the ten reason, come back tomorrow to learn how to be of help if you know someone who may be a victim of domestic violence.

  1. Fear in General. Often they have been cut off from  all their resources and have lived under threat and control, not being able to rely on their own decision making.
  2. Low self-esteem. People who have been emotionally beaten down over a period of begin to see themselves as failures at everything they do.  Offenders reinforce they belief to maintain their control.
  3. Self-blame.  Victimized people blame themselves for the abuse.  This is constantly reinforced by the offender who blames them for the abuser’s violence behavior.
  4. Holding the family together.  Women are raised and socialized to see themselves as the center of family cohesiveness, such as keeping their family safe and together.
  5. Fear of being crazy.  When you are told you are crazy often enough you begin to believe it. As a result, victims questions their ability to cope with all os the responsibilities of the outside world.
  6. Dependence. Victims of Domestic Violence have likely had their world made very small so that they could be controlled.  As a result, they lack experience in making their own decision and acting independently.
  7. Isolation. One of the most common things done to victims of domestic violence is to isolate them from family friends, physically and emotionally.  The more isolated they are, the less likely they will seek help or be aware of the help that is available in their community.
  8. Traditional Values. Traditional roles are in conflict with separation and divorce and support the notice of keeping the family together at all cost. There may also be a strong religious influence and unsupportive family members that reinforce a victim’s belief that she must stay in abusive relationship.
  9. Learned Behaviors. When you live in an isolated and abusive environment, over time the experience take on a normalcy because there is nothing else to compare it to.  When combined with lack of belief in oneself, the victim may come to the belief that the situation is impossible to change.  This may be further embedded if the victim grew up in an abusive home.
  10. The honeymoon stage and promise of change. Victims often love their partners and want a good marriage and a stable family life for their children.  With the promise of change is the hope that all of these things are possible.  In the hopes that the promise of change will be kept, the victim will forgive and give the relationship about change for a new beginning.

What can be done? Deal with the what is, not the what if.  If things were going to change on their own, they would have.  If there is to be any chance of hope for change, for the victim and the victim’s family, it is necessary to take action.  Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).  Check out previous blogs for Domestic Violence Awareness Month on Statistic and Warning Signs.  Please bring awareness and share this information with others.

REMEMBER that you are not alone, you are not to blame and help is available.

Sources: http://www.ncadv.org and Therapist Guide to Clinical Intervention by Sharon L. Johnson

#domesticviolence #DVAM2016 #DVAM #takeastandagainstdomesticviolence

Spot the Signs, Recognize the Warnings, Be Aware

Standard

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  These are Red flags and warning signs of an abuser include but are not limited to:

•Extreme jealousy

•Possessiveness

•Unpredictability

•A bad temper

•Extreme jealousy

•Possessiveness

•Unpredictability

•A bad temper

•Cruelty to animals

•Verbal abuse

•Extremely controlling behavior

•Antiquated beliefs about roles of women and men in relationships

•Forced sex or disregard of their partner’s unwillingness to have sex

•Sabotage of birth control methods or refusal to honor agreed upon methods

•Blaming the victim for anything bad that happens

•Sabotage or obstruction of the victim’s ability to work or attend school

•Controls all the finances

•Abuse of other family members, children or pets

•Accusations of the victim flirting with others or having an affair

•Control of what the victim wears and how they act

•Demeaning the victim either privately or publicly

•Embarrassment or humiliation of the victim in front of others

•Harassment of the victim at work

Be informed and check out Statistics in Domestic Violence

SOURCE: http://www.ncadv.org

For anonymous, confidential help available 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) 

#domesticviolence #dvam #dvam2016 #takeastandagainstdomesticviolence #warningsigns

 

AWARENESS: Statistics in Domestic Violence 

Standard

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

• In America, one women is fatally shot by a spouse, ex-spouse or dating partner every 14 hours.  Learn how to spot the signs and recognize the warning of an abuser.

• 474 Domestic Violence gun related fatalities since January 1, 2016

•1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 are victims of DV in their lifetime

• The presence of a gun increases the risk of homicide in domestic violence situations by 500% • Intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crimes

• Domestic Violence crosses all races and class line at similar rates

• 1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence

• Long Term effects, especially chronic exposure to DV may include physical health and emotional difficulties in adulthood (such as depression, anxiety disorders and PTSD)

sources: http://www.ncadv.org/learn-more/statistics http://www.ncadv.org/content/children-and-domestic-violence 

The National Domestic Violence HOTLINE : 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 

#takeastandagainstdomesticviolence #dvam2016 #dvam